Wanting To

Could it be any harder? Trying, building, living with my fear. My eyes are open wide yet I only perceive black and white as the monochromatic kaleidoscope predicts my past and relives my future. How vague and impersonal life can be without color or representation that exists not only in our imagination but in a single touch as well. "Jump!" he proclaimed, "Jump into the abyss for it yields the decision to uphold your dream and see it turned into reality...and it will become you." There was silence, no wind, no whistle, and no thought. I remember seeing my breath and the feeling of ice form on my face from my perspiring. I followed him through the moonlit pathway where the dead trees leaned towards my fate, guiding my soul to the memoirs of my success and my failures. Beggars surrounded me pleading for their fortunes through each step of the narrow road. "It's fucking cold here" I thought to myself, "It's endless winter." Time to wake up son, it's time to move backwards.